一句话教你认识世界名画作者

If everyone in the paintings has enormous asses, then it’s Rubens.如果画里的每个人都有个大屁股，那奏是鲁本斯。

If all the men look like cow-eyed curly-haired women, it’s Caravaggio.画里是大眼睛又卷毛的娘炮，那就是卡拉瓦乔

If everybody has some sort of body malfunction, then it’s Picasso.如果画里的人都有那么些残疾部位，那就是毕加索

If it’s something you saw on your acid trip last night, it’s Dali.画就跟你昨晚嗑药High了之后看见的东西似的，那是达利

If the images have a dark background and everyone has tortured expressions on their faces, it’s Titian.画里背景都黑布隆冬的，脸上表情都跟受尽了折磨似的，必是提香。

If the paintings have tons of little people in them but otherwise seem normal, it’s Bruegel.如果画里全都是一坨一坨小人儿，除此之外其他还挺正常的话，是勃鲁盖尔。

If the paintings have lots of little people in them but also have a ton of crazy bullshit, it’s Bosch.如果画里有一坨一坨小人儿，但还有一坨一坨操蛋东西的话，博斯。

If everyone – including the women – looks like Putin, then it’s van Eyck.如果每个人都长着副死气沉沉普京脸，那是凡艾克

如果画里的每个人物都像昏暗街灯下的流浪汉，那是伦勃朗

If the painting could easily have a few chubby Cupids or sheep added (or already has them), it’s Boucher.如果画里动不动就一群圆滚滚丘比特或者山羊，那是布歇

If everyone is beautiful, naked, and stacked, it’s Michelangelo.

如果画作里有裸着的俊男美女并且人压人，那是米开朗基罗

If you see a ballerina, it’s Degas.

画芭蕾舞娘的是德加

If every painting is the face of a uni-browed woman, it’s Frida.画中是个有连心眉的女人，那是弗里达画的

If everything is highly-contrasted and sharp, sort of bluish, and everyone has gaunt bearded faces, it’s El Greco.如果画里的每样东西都明暗对比强烈、边缘锐利，还总透着点蓝洼洼，人物又都胡子拉碴憔悴不堪，得，是格列柯。

Dappled light but no figures, it’s Monet.充满光斑，但没有人物 (轮廓？)，莫奈

Dappled light and happy party-time people, it’s Renoir.光斑，外加快快乐乐的Party，雷诺阿

Dappled light and unhappy party-time people, then it’s Manet.光斑，外加愁眉苦脸的Party，马奈

Lord of the Rings landscapes with weird blue mist and the same wavy-haired aristocratic-nose Madonna, it’s Da Vinci.景色像《指环王》里一样壮阔，却笼罩着怪怪的蓝色迷雾；圣母玛利亚总有着同样的卷发与贵族式的鼻子。这是达芬奇

充满填充色块的Excel表格，蒙德里安

－END－